Fun! (to me, that is)

Yesterday, me and Chris moved all the furniture in the livingroom around to make it a much more comfortable and big place. I love it! We've purchased two sitting cushions, wich are great, and a new piece of furniture for the TV and DVD, VHS etc. I had to put it together, or well... I actually volonteered, and it was kind of fun. Right now, Simon and Chris is trying to fit all the different stuff into the new TV cupboard. I'm sitting in the sofa, watching, and it's really a lot of fun...

Simon keeps asking questions about how we used to put all the stuff together, and Chris keeps saying "What!? But... but... Does that mean I only need this one? But, I used to have like looaaads of cables in this one!" Appearantly, some of these cables was completely useless becauyse they actually did the same thing, or something. I don't know, there's a reason I'm sitting in the sof watching instead of trying to help.

Now Simon has started to sit quiet for minutes a time, mumbling thing wich just sound like combinations of letters to me. And then he keeps saying stuff like "Well, I don't know how we're supposed to do this, but I'll figure it out." He's also started to draw schemes of it. Can it be that hard to connect a few different things?

Just so you know it, Chris just named the black cable white, and told us all the yellow signal is carried by a red cable at the back of the TV...

Well, I'm going of to do some warpdrive surfing and then I'll probably try to help, or maybe not. Anyway, I'm of.

And soon they will try to program the video... :)

Fun! (to me, that is)

Yesterday, me and Chris moved all the furniture in the livingroom around to make it a much more comfortable and big place. I love it! We've purchased two sitting cushions, wich are great, and a new piece of furniture for the TV and DVD, VHS etc. I had to put it together, or well... I actually volonteered, and it was kind of fun. Right now, Simon and Chris is trying to fit all the different stuff into the new TV cupboard. I'm sitting in the sofa, watching, and it's really a lot of fun...

Simon keeps asking questions about how we used to put all the stuff together, and Chris keeps saying "What!? But... but... Does that mean I only need this one? But, I used to have like looaaads of cables in this one!" Appearantly, some of these cables was completely useless becauyse they actually did the same thing, or something. I don't know, there's a reason I'm sitting in the sof watching instead of trying to help.

Now Simon has started to sit quiet for minutes a time, mumbling thing wich just sound like combinations of letters to me. And then he keeps saying stuff like "Well, I don't know how we're supposed to do this, but I'll figure it out." He's also started to draw schemes of it. Can it be that hard to connect a few different things?

Just so you know it, Chris just named the black cable white, and told us all the yellow signal is carried by a red cable at the back of the TV...

Well, I'm going of to do some warpdrive surfing and then I'll probably try to help, or maybe not. Anyway, I'm of.

And soon they will try to program the video... :)

Feeling terrible

I feel terrible. And I don't even know why.

Comfort eating - the soruce of all evil, it seems. Todays dinner: one bag of sourcream and onion crisps, one bag of nacho cheese ballz. Result: stomach ache, guilt, distaste of myself.

It's the night before christmas, and it feels like everyone else is happy. Chris is of to visit shims family, and even though we hear from eachother from time to time I've got the feeling I wouldn't hear a word if I didn't make up reasons to ask questions. TV is full of silly, stupid christmas shows, and most of the daily blogs and other sites I visit talk about nothing else.

So, why canät I be happy it's christmas? I just feel I've got nothing to look forward to. Sitting in the car with my stupid, idiotic family for two hours, and I know dad will have tons of excuses to blaim me of things, tell me I'm not doing the right things with my life and so forth. Mom will be nice, in that way that someone can be nice without ever giving you the feeling you like the person being nice to you, and my little brother will just be - my little brother. Then there's the rest of them, grandma' and grandpaä, my aunt and uncle and their kids. They're just such a sad bunch of people every single one of them, and I can't think of anything we've got incommon. I would never choose to even talk to any of them unless there was that silly bloodsband between us. Relatives suck.

And that just makes it worse... Knowing everyone else is having a great time, while I just have to think of not showing that I'm incredible bored, and hurt by their way to use my old name and call me girly, childish names.

So, what do I do to feel better? Not a fucking thing. Tried earlier, went christmas shopping for mom and dad (my brother and I went to see Eragon, that crappy movie, instead of buying gifts) and spend some money on myself, buying a gorgeus shirt from the boys department of H&M. That good feeling lasted for about... five minutes. Then came the anxciety of spending money when I didn't get more then 5500 this month instead fo the usual 7200, and that deep feeling of knowing noone will think I look good in that either. Then I went home, sat down on the couch doing nothing but watch some stupid TV shows, bougt the crisps and cheese ballz, and felt worse then ever. And of course, being me, I try solving the problem of anxciety over comfort eating loads of fat unhealthy stuff with comfort smoking. Great, huh?

Haven't done anything of the stuff I should have done lately either. That's so typical me, avoiding things I might even enjoy doing because I prefer watching TV, or even because I know it makes me feel bad. Haven't read a page of the things I've got to read for school, haven't filmed the last movie for the sign language course even though I know that might make me fail the course, haven't handed out the advertisements. This is just fucking sick.

Like usual, I don't even know what made me feel bad from the beggining. Something, maybe being lonely, maybe something else, brings me down that road and I just play along, deliberately thinking of stuff that I know make me feel bad and doing stuff I know makes me feel bad. So I guess it's my own fault I feel like this. Which doesn't release the feeling of guilt at all.

Probably never again

Today was my first day working with handing out advertisment folders in peoples mailboxes. It was terrible. I had to carry 135kg up three stairs, to sort all of it into piles with nine different types of advertisments for different companies into every pile. That makes a total of 466 piles, if I counted them right. Wich I think I did. I've also been stupid enough to sign up for two districts, so I took the one where I'm actually living myself today. Except for the sorting, which was about an hour and fifteen minutes for each of the districts, and the half an hour I spent on carrying it up the stairs, I spent about three and a half or four hours just handing out the shit. Running up and down the stairs, pressing the shit into mailboxes about the same hight as my knees and being yelled at for disturbing people when using the phone system to try to get in, because all of the stairways doesn't have code systems. I even found places where the adress didn't exist!

I have one district to go, mostly villas though so I won't have to run as much as today. Hoppefully it will only take me somewhere inbetween two and three hours. I'll have to start at eight to get the time to take a shower between work and going to Kristianstad to meet my grandparents and borrow a bike from them, since mine doesn't work no more. Wich means I really should go to bed now.

Like that's gonna happen.